I completely feel like shit now.

Last night, as part of my complete breakdown, I sent a cryptic "I'm Sorry" tweet to one of my friends on twitter. This guy is like an internet brother almost, we talk daily and shit. And I just did that, then left him hanging for an hour, even after he asked if I was alright.

I told myself I would never do that. No matter how bad my issues got, I wouldn't make them someone else's issues. This guy has never met me. We talk constantly, but in real world terms, I'm probably a nobody to him. And here, at 3 AM his time, I DM him and throw all this shit onto him.

He was understandably confused, and I'm sure shaken up by it. I mean, to have someone you don't know very well just be like "Hey, killing myself now" (in not such blunt language) must be a horrible thing. I really care about him, he's essentially the only friend I have left in my life. I can't believe I did that shit to him. He didn't ask for that, he didn't deserve that.

I have no idea why I did it. Maybe it was me attempting to cry for help, reaching out to one of the few people I thought I could go to? Maybe I just needed to get it out and tell someone? All I know is it was a horrible thing to do and I shouldn't have. I just wasn't thinking clearly at the time. That isn't a good excuse though.

I haven't heard from him since, and I really hope I didn't ruin one of the good only things I had left in my life.

I'm sorry Matt.